Stock Control Gifts

Why do you need so many computers?

The day the stock market went UP.

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

"Why do you need so many computers?" "One for billing, one for stock control, one for human resources, one for financial management..."

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Slipping and sliding down the slope...

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'This is where I hang out until bullishness makes a comeback.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

"Elon Musk is buying rope and walnuts."

"Our initial public offering, .... The public has gotten wind of it!"

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

'Those are my twins: NASDAQ and Dow. They were born at the height of the dot.com boom.'

City Redundancies - In? Out?

'To satisfy our stockholders, we'll draw stars to see which of us will be hung in effigy.'

'You go without me. I'm feeling a little down today.'

"In an unexpected development, the market behaved rationally today."

'I don't know about you, but I really don't like the look of that yield curve.'

'...and the Nikkei closed down on the day.'

"...That's agreed then, we raise our salaries by 40%..."

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

Investment analyst Renald P. is going to frighten the market.