Stock Control Gifts

Why do you need so many computers?

The day the stock market went UP.

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

"Why do you need so many computers?" "One for billing, one for stock control, one for human resources, one for financial management..."

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Slipping and sliding down the slope...

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

'This is where I hang out until bullishness makes a comeback.'

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

"Elon Musk is buying rope and walnuts."

"Our initial public offering, .... The public has gotten wind of it!"

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

'To satisfy our stockholders, we'll draw stars to see which of us will be hung in effigy.'

'Those are my twins: NASDAQ and Dow. They were born at the height of the dot.com boom.'

City Redundancies - In? Out?

'You go without me. I'm feeling a little down today.'

"In an unexpected development, the market behaved rationally today."

'I don't know about you, but I really don't like the look of that yield curve.'

'...and the Nikkei closed down on the day.'

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

"...That's agreed then, we raise our salaries by 40%..."

"Hey, Al! What do you know about shelf life?"

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'