Stock Wizard Gifts

"Eddie, remember, if at first you don't succeed, then call it 'investing for the long-term.''

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

Bewildered, Inc. . . Stocks, bonds, mutual funds.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

Profit

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

'I think I know what the problem is!'

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"There are the arts, the sciences, agriculture, and commerce. Stick with commerce, if you know what's good for you."

'This boy you call my son doesn't care about investments, economy and money. I want a DNA test.'

'Well, Frobisher, it's taken a millennium, but thanks to our initial public stock offering, we've finally turned lead into gold.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

Piggy bank #5: carrying (colour).

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

'And this is my strategic money reserve.'

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

'Does it bother you that we have all the money?'

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

Money exchange