Stock Wizard Gifts

"Eddie, remember, if at first you don't succeed, then call it 'investing for the long-term.''

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

Bewildered, Inc. . . Stocks, bonds, mutual funds.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

Profit

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"There are the arts, the sciences, agriculture, and commerce. Stick with commerce, if you know what's good for you."

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

'This boy you call my son doesn't care about investments, economy and money. I want a DNA test.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'Well, Frobisher, it's taken a millennium, but thanks to our initial public stock offering, we've finally turned lead into gold.'

Piggy bank #5: carrying (colour).

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

Money exchange

'Does it bother you that we have all the money?'

Saving for College.

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!