Stock Checker Gifts

"Do you have all those things in stock?"

The day the stock market went UP.

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'I think I know what the problem is!'

Sweep the board.

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Slipping and sliding down the slope...

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"It's his ego growth chart."

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

'This is where I hang out until bullishness makes a comeback.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

Why do you need so many computers?

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

First Church of Non-Denominational Money Worship.

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

"Our initial public offering, .... The public has gotten wind of it!"

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'

Wearing a sales chart as a name badge.

"Elon Musk is buying rope and walnuts."

City Redundancies - In? Out?

'Those are my twins: NASDAQ and Dow. They were born at the height of the dot.com boom.'

'To satisfy our stockholders, we'll draw stars to see which of us will be hung in effigy.'

'You go without me. I'm feeling a little down today.'

"In an unexpected development, the market behaved rationally today."

'I don't know about you, but I really don't like the look of that yield curve.'