Stock Broker Gifts

"On Wall Street today, news of lower interest rates sent the stock market up, but then the expectation that these rates would be inflationary sent the market down, until the realization that lower rates might stimulate the sluggish economy pushed the mark

'Was it Nietzsche who said, whatever doesn't kill your portfolio makes it stronger?'

"He manages a broad stock index fund."

"Analysts blamed the market's volatility on computer-directed trading while computers blamed it on analyst-directed trading."

"Being adversaries got stale, so now we're drinking buddies."

'Your best hedge against a down market is having lots of money.'

"Didn't you used to manage our mutual fund?"

'...the Market's rallied again.'

Welcome to 'Should've, Would've, Could've', the investment hindsight show.

'With my brains and your money, we have nothing to lose but your money.'

'Remember, an economic boom is usually followed by an economic kaboom,'

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

'Could you bring me the new investment regulations you downloaded yesterday?' 'It's still downloading.'

'Amazing... the patterns are the same!'

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

"On the one hand, we'll burn in hell; on the other, that's a lot of money."

"Just sign here, sir - it clears me of any responsibility."

'On Wall Street, stocks and bonds dropped on news that past performance is no guarantee of future results...'

'I just got back from Wall Street.'

'I'm too tired to hear the whole story. Who wins, the bear or the bull?'

"All of the economic indicators I've seen are pointing up."

Past Performance in No Guarantee of Future Results.

"For clients with an extremely low risk tolerance, I recommend they talk to someone with a ground-floor office."

'I've got a great system. I just pick the same stocks Ed does.'

'I'm going to recommend a stock that has consistently outperformed the market since this afternoon.'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

"See - when interest rates go down, stocks go up. And when rates go up, stocks go down. Except when they don't."

"Are you investing for growth, wealth preservation, income or excitement?"

Significant risk.

Watching the markets.

"Let's have a moment's silence to remember the profits we used to make."

Day trading.

Boom. Recession. Depression. Stimulus.

'There's been a slight devaluation.'