Stockbroker Gifts

"Yes, the planet got destroyed. But for a beautiful moment in time we created a lot of value for shareholders."

"Most of what I want this year is listed on the Nasdaq."

Bull and bear checking in for work.

"Stocks can be risky, and you've got to be able to sleep at night. We'll set aside half your money for sleeping pills."

Humpty Dumpty sat on a Wall Street

"What should you do? Here's what you should do: invent a time machine, go back sixteen months, and convert everything to cash."

'Please stop...it reminds me too much of the markets.'

"On Wall Street today, the stock market corrected its previous correction, and is pretty sure it's got it right this time."

"Oh, I'm really sorry. I just placed three million with some broker who called five minutes ago."

'Did you say 'buy-buy' or 'bye-bye'?'

"I've hedged against inflation and I've hedged against deflation, but price stability could knock me for a loop."

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Thanks a Mil, Warren!

"Today on Wall Street, yesterday's panic selling was replaced by panic buying."

'I led a long and happy life. Twenty business cycles.'

News on television: 'On Wall Street, stocks rebounded on news that 'up' and 'down' are just states of mind.'

"Have you considered short-term treasurys?"

Calls of the Wild: Moose Call, Coyote Call and Margin Call.

'J.B., there's not enough ROI on the IPO, YTD.'

'I made a real killing on the stock market today. I shot my broker.'

Papa bear plays the stockmarket.

A two dollar stock sounds like a perfect investment...

"Today, stocks dropped on news the new federal reserve chief, Janet Yellen, is a 'rookie'."

"The market was doing so well I decided not to hibernate this year."

New York Stock Exchange: No Bulls or Bears were injured in today's trading.

"Sell all my stocks and buy lots of old comic books instead!"

Sure, it helps to be a blood-sucking parasite, but that's not all it takes to be a stockbroker...

"Forget the bloody glove for a moment; ignore all the arguments about the DNA evidence and try to remember that this case, after all, is about securities violations."

"Don't worry, I left a trail of junk bonds to get us back to Wall st."

"I was spreading some risk around, and apparently it all wound up in your portfolio."

"I'm looking for a hedge against my hedge funds."

Risk Management - ''Be careful' All you can tell me is 'be careful''

The Return of Guarded Optimism