Steve Martin Fan Gifts

I'm a self-made man!

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

"Call me selfish if you want, but I have no issue with spoiling the farmer's Christmas lunch: I'm out of here..."

"How was prom?"

'He's a self-made man - he did it without the media.'

"Is this your bright idea, Janet?"

'It's not the same. I was caught stealing office supplies. You, on the other hand, got caught stealing ideas.'

Focus Group Failures

"No offence Jon, but..."

'Margaret our phone's been tapped!'

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

'You're so sophisticated and witty...and muscular...do you work out? Why, yes, I'd love to come back to your place.'

Huckleberry Finn, M.D.

The Gweat Twain Wobbery.

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

"You don’t seem happy here."

"Some people call him 'The Space Cowboy.' Some call him 'The Gangster of Love,' but I call him 'The Steve Miller Band.'"

I'm absolutely worn out. I've been unloading pig-iron all day.

Sign reads: 'Greed Management.'

A blind conductor leading and blind orchestra

'I know they're just kids...but seriously, do I to go and get need my anti-stab vest?'

'Have you got to have a Gimmick.'

General Manager/Specifics Manager

"Well, I have bad news for you, too."

Bert's Ragtime Band.

A vein of vampires

Finally Debt Free

"I have a rich and generous son who wants to contribute to the heavenly fund."

'I can't believe they're allowing domestic surveillance!', 'Hey, they're just giving government back to the peephole!'

"They were monsters! That's the last time I babysit for the children of the corn."