Steve Martin Fan Gifts

Comedy Writing 101: The Works of Steve Martin

I'm a self-made man!

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

'He's a self-made man - he did it without the media.'

"Call me selfish if you want, but I have no issue with spoiling the farmer's Christmas lunch: I'm out of here..."

"How was prom?"

"Is this your bright idea, Janet?"

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

'It's not the same. I was caught stealing office supplies. You, on the other hand, got caught stealing ideas.'

Focus Group Failures

"No offence Jon, but..."

'Margaret our phone's been tapped!'

Dog Treat. "Speak"? Without notes?

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

The Gweat Twain Wobbery.

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

Huckleberry Finn, M.D.

'You're so sophisticated and witty...and muscular...do you work out? Why, yes, I'd love to come back to your place.'

"You don’t seem happy here."

'Look at him, Tom. He is so obsessed with that silly cell phone that now he wants to be called Blackberry Finn.'

'I know they're just kids...but seriously, do I to go and get need my anti-stab vest?'

'Have you got to have a Gimmick.'

A blind conductor leading and blind orchestra

I'm absolutely worn out. I've been unloading pig-iron all day.

General Manager/Specifics Manager

"Well, I have bad news for you, too."

Sign reads: 'Greed Management.'

"Some people call him 'The Space Cowboy.' Some call him 'The Gangster of Love,' but I call him 'The Steve Miller Band.'"

"They were monsters! That's the last time I babysit for the children of the corn."

Finally Debt Free

A vein of vampires

Children Of The Coronavirus

Doctor Jekyll. Whenever I get stuck formulating my potion, I go jogging. You can run, but you can't Hyde!