Stethoscope Collector Gifts

If I may paraphrase Henny Youngman, I know you're out there. You an hear me breathing.

'Really?You've NEVER been to a doctor in your life?'

"No wonder I'm getting feedback!"

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

The aliens froze, gripped by a primal fear. This time there would be no abduction.

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'Why Sally, you look so fetching with that stick!'

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Teapot

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

Al's Farm Equipment: Our Prices Can't Be Beat!

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know the drill.'

'You know, there's no need to reinvent the rock.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

A fire extinguisher box with band aids in them has a sign above with reads, "In case you cut yourself breaking glass break this glass."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

'Would it have killed you to go with a store-bought model?'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"I wonder what this was for."

'It's my latest invention -- I cal lit 'a rock tied to a stick.''

'We thought you'd like music during your building inspection.'

The Black Hole the National Observatory just discovered, where temporarily misplaced tools and parts go.

'How old is this vase?'

"I guess I always wanted to be an electrician. As a little boy, I ran away to join the circuits."

'I'm sorry Rex, but since getting this new stick for Christmas, I have no further need for you.'

DIY Store "I don't know why we come here..."

"For only five dollars more, the guy let me have the 'Smart Hammer.'"