Steam Train Buff Gifts

Graffiti about dominoes, beer etc. Old man says: 'To deter vandals, I'm doing my own graffiti.'

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"I told him he should have trained more."

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

'You've had enough.'

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

Showing gardening tools to a tower block.

Run from the hills!

"The cost of HS2 was 115 billion, but that was when we started the interview. It's 130 now!"

'The buildings are merging.'

"Does the No. 1 stop here and does that go to Penn Station and can I get a train there to Philadelphia and then how do I get to Walnut Street?"

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

An Appreciation

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.

Home maintenance

"Honesty, I saw a train yesterday"

'This training session is all about challenging assumptions. For example you see someone looking depressed, dishevelled, unkempt it's easy to jump to conclusions. But they may not be a social worker, they may be a client!'

The tortoise and the hare are in a shoe store trying on shoes in preparation for their race.

S**t Creek Halt

Auto-Pilot.

'Sorry we don't do black decaf.'

The Coffee Tattoo

Ticket machine costing an arm and a leg.

'Ok, we've rented the whole building ... oops, they just put on another floor.'

'What ever happened to that persnickety inspector?'

'We've found the problem...'

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

Silver Sufferer - husband looking at steam trains on the internet, wife bored in background

"Did you have any problems at the design stage?"

'Best bit of winter pipe lagging I've seen for ages...unfortunately, that's just the scaffolding.'

Oar-tobahn.