Steam Train Buff T-Shirts

Graffiti about dominoes, beer etc. Old man says: 'To deter vandals, I'm doing my own graffiti.'

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"I told him he should have trained more."

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

'You've had enough.'

Run from the hills!

Showing gardening tools to a tower block.

'The buildings are merging.'

"The cost of HS2 was 115 billion, but that was when we started the interview. It's 130 now!"

"As it happens, we don't produce any beer flavored wine."

Gym. Instructor. Why do you want to learn kickboxing? I've always wanted to win a fight hands down!

"Does the No. 1 stop here and does that go to Penn Station and can I get a train there to Philadelphia and then how do I get to Walnut Street?"

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

Home maintenance

"Honesty, I saw a train yesterday"

An Appreciation

'This training session is all about challenging assumptions. For example you see someone looking depressed, dishevelled, unkempt it's easy to jump to conclusions. But they may not be a social worker, they may be a client!'

'Sorry we don't do black decaf.'

'Ok, we've rented the whole building ... oops, they just put on another floor.'

"I have designed us new, steam-powered space suits."

Auto-Pilot.

S**t Creek Halt

Ticket machine costing an arm and a leg.

The Coffee Tattoo

The tortoise and the hare are in a shoe store trying on shoes in preparation for their race.

'What ever happened to that persnickety inspector?'

'We've found the problem...'

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

Silver Sufferer - husband looking at steam trains on the internet, wife bored in background

"Did you have any problems at the design stage?"

'Best bit of winter pipe lagging I've seen for ages...unfortunately, that's just the scaffolding.'

Sharon's more of a do-it-yourselfer.