Stealth Humorist Gifts

Stealth grazing.

A cat is hiding in a block of cheese to lure a mouse out of its hole.

'Inside Ralph is a comedienne crying to get out.'

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

"Oh, sorry—I think I just butt-summoned you."

Entrance code to MENSA club - 'To enter, simply type in the square root of Pi.'

Three-way mirror

'Hello, security.'

Dion hires an image consultant: Ineresting. Now let's try Western and then Hip-Hop.

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

Old man stealing sand from a sand box for child

'Yes, Fluffy was a great dog and to honor her memory, we've decided to keep her name as part of our computer password.'

Beware of the teddy

"Hi, I'm Kevin and I'll be your server tonight...but I guess you already knew that!"

"Home security isn't subtle. If you've got it, flaunt it!"

Fabric Company: No tulle left in this vehicle overnight

Bird Watchers Club of America.

Car driving comes upon fork in road.

"Beware of owner."

'I want to suck your toes.' - A problem for Maxwell Smart and his shoe-phone.

Ninja collapsed through ceiling onto table thinking "...like cat. Ninja is like cat."

"I'm going to demonstrate how dogs are stealth ninjas in the dark. See how I move silently....."

'Oh, well... It's been lovely talking to you, but I really must get back to work. See you in hell.'

Warning!! Anti-Climb Paint.

"Before you identify the suspect, you need to confirm your identity."

Beware of the Dog - Leaping Over Fence

Alien Abduction

'Aah! I didn't see you come in Mr. Brown - well done! You can start Monday!'

'Security.'

A-1 security from crime....

"Well, it seems that St. Patrick didn't drive all the snakes out of Ireland."

Al, did you know there are people who believe you can foresee the future by the coagulation of cheese? It's called tyromancy. Are you kidding? I'm an incurable tyromantic! Odd Facts.

"I'm gonna boycott twitter. But is it a boycott if I never tweeted before?"

"You're Russian? Where can I find one of your local honey pots?"