Espionage Humorist Gifts

'I want to suck your toes.' - A problem for Maxwell Smart and his shoe-phone.

'Mi5 1st prize leek'

". . . of the peephole, by the peephole and the peephole."

"You're Russian? Where can I find one of your local honey pots?"

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

Cat in a tank...

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

Royal Bear Force - "Honey at 10 o'clock."

Presidential surveillance ass!"

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

Private Viewing

'Neighbors...friends...artists models.'

'...and this is the Mess.'

French Army knife

"Did you call for a Medic?"

'Does my bum look big in this?'

'At last! Some decent kit.'

Echo Mountain...NO Yodeling! - Falling rock zone.

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

Banting in the Yeomanry

At a Country House

Don't look know, but I think you're being Googled.

Entrance code to MENSA club - 'To enter, simply type in the square root of Pi.'

'THINGMY ON THE PORT BOW!! You know, what's it called? Long and pointy... Very fast... TORPEDO ON THE PORT BOW!!'

'Hello, security.'

The Bengal Lancers/Bingo Lancers/Bagel Lancers/Bungle Lancers

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

Beware of the dog.

'I know you didn't just reach through the torpedo tube and grab those fish.'

The Emperor of Irony

US Camouflage School

A day at the UN.

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

"Oh, can't complain."