Espionage Humorist Gifts

'I want to suck your toes.' - A problem for Maxwell Smart and his shoe-phone.

'Mi5 1st prize leek'

". . . of the peephole, by the peephole and the peephole."

"You're Russian? Where can I find one of your local honey pots?"

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

Cat in a tank...

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

Royal Bear Force - "Honey at 10 o'clock."

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

Data From a Truck

Presidential surveillance ass!"

Private Viewing

'...and this is the Mess.'

'Does my bum look big in this?'

"Did you call for a Medic?"

French Army knife

'Neighbors...friends...artists models.'

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

James Bond: Senior Years.

'At last! Some decent kit.'

At a Country House

Echo Mountain...NO Yodeling! - Falling rock zone.

Banting in the Yeomanry

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

Don't look know, but I think you're being Googled.

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

Entrance code to MENSA club - 'To enter, simply type in the square root of Pi.'

'Hello, security.'

'THINGMY ON THE PORT BOW!! You know, what's it called? Long and pointy... Very fast... TORPEDO ON THE PORT BOW!!'

"Whoever made fun of my hat better step forward now, or I'll turn this march around!"

The Bengal Lancers/Bingo Lancers/Bagel Lancers/Bungle Lancers

Beware of the dog.

The Emperor of Irony

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

US Camouflage School