Sneaky Humorist Gifts

Bird Watchers Club of America.

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

McMorkim's Cheeses Security A gang of mice wheeling in a giant mousetrap with Pizza and Beer as bait to a Security Guard's post hoping to gain access to a cheese Factory if the Guard is trapped.

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

"My latest sighting turned out to be just another weather balloon."

A cat is hiding in a block of cheese to lure a mouse out of its hole.

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

"You sure you don't want any Pi?"

Now Hiring. Artificial Intelligence & Research Lab. "Artificial Intelligence"? Great! I'd be a real asset to your project since I'm not as intelligent as I look!

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

'You'll want Mr. Pigglesworth's version of the story too, I assume?'

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

'Listen up, you ghoul fools, at midnight the mummy takes off the wrappings! Heh heh - just kidding folks, but seriously...'

Pavlov's dog eats Schrodinger's cat.

'This time, put it someplace where we can find it.'

In Disguise.

Vampire Family Photos...

We bonded over a shared lack of assertiveness. Vive la diffidence!

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

"My boss says I'm very good at what I do."

"America hasn't been discovered yet -- how about cheddar?"

Furtive Milking

'Not bad idea! But no quit day job.'

'It's the simple things.'

"I don't think he can touch your in-the-dirt ball."

"This is just between you and me and the lamppost." "I'll sell it to the tabloids."

Street trader tricking police.

Healthy Witch Digest

Old man stealing sand from a sand box for child

"All I have to say is that someone better be bleeding."

'By the time they realize what's up bear season will be over.'

Stealth grazing.

"No. I can still see you."