Stay-at-home Philosopher Gifts

"So what books didn't you get around to reading during lockdown?"

Eraserhead

"It's an update from the people tracking us. According to this, we haven't gone anywhere or done anything."

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

"So that's where you were last night."

The Boys of Indian Summer

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know what your office staff are doing?'

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

'Actually I only do this on weekends.'

"I swear, we spend more time decided which squirrel to bark at than we do actually barking at it."

"A new study shows half of all marriages end in divorce when one of the spouses bring their work home with them. Would you care to respond, honey?"

"I work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to resign."

'You always say you'll do things tomorrow. . . but you never do.'

'A little madness in the Spring is wholesome even for the King' -Emily Dickinson.

William would often take long walks along the beach, seeking inspiration for his next timesheet.

That's not quite what I meant by a 'balanced diet'..

Dare to Soar. Believe. Dream. Live Simply. One Day at a Time. I think we need a platitude adjustment.

"If someone says they're a leader and no one hears it, is it true?"

"Me: I never get invited to anything Also me: Sorry, I'm so tired, think I'll stay in."

"Oh, I see - so it's wrong to cut down the Amazon Rainforest, but okay for me to weed, prune and mow our own garden?"

"A thirst for knowledge, …. That was another of my great thirsts."

'When, son, do you plan to leave your mother and father and cleave unto another?'

I finally found happiness in my own backyard and then I got evicted.

'All I hope for is that the weekdays don't ruin my weekend.'

"I think my mid life crisis has slipped by without me noticing it!"

Philosophy - who said it has no practical uses

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

"I dreamed my parents were still alive."

"Why is that moron screaming so loud at something that isn't there?"

"Harold, would you say you are left of center, right of center, left of left, right of left, left of right, or right of right, or what?"

"Tonight, I was thinking we could run laps around the living room and then check out that Zoom standup show, but I'm open to other horrible ideas."

"Perhaps it's a bit early to tell, but I'll bet the Presidential visit changes nothing."

'And me fresh out of xanax.'

"Well according to this you're sat in my wealth corner."

"What's the secret of your longevity, Grampa?" "I guess it's because I was just never that curious about anything."