Status-updater Extraordinaire Gifts

Facebook.

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

'Miss Pym, we've made a smaller loss than last year, order me a much larger desk.'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

Right, this is the map of all the UFO sightings. Hold the light steady love.

"Manhatten Brooklyn Hoboken Long Island"

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

"He's only an associate but he's already reaping at a partner's level."

"I don't know who will be obsolete first, me or my computer."

'You seem qualified. What concerns me is the car you're driving. It's not sending out the right message.'

"That one, too. They all look like big bags of money."

House building chart (like steps).

Racing pit crew member holds sign for driver: Stop And Ask For Directions.

A fish jumping from a tank that reads "Tropical fish $5.00" into a tank that reads "Tropical fish $20.00"

Queen with a crown-shaped hairdryer.

'May I go home now?'

'I'd love to be in Who's Who.'

'People want to work with city firms, they trust us, they're impressed by the offices...the status!'

'That's what you get for not updating acrobat reader.'

"To reinforce my diet, the mirror goes on the fridge."

'During our vacations in Aspen, Cecil, did we hobnob with the rich or super rich?'

"Yes the view is nice, but I mostly want people to look up here and think how rich I am."

'Sorry, this is the Billionaires club. The Millionaires club is down the street.'

"One minute I was Chairman and Chief Executive of Mammon Industries, the next I'm the gallbladder in room 405."

'What's it like being number 400 I know at 399 it's pretty cool and prestigious to be part of the 300s,'

Power Tanning

"He's very proud of the progress he's made..."

'It's fortunate that wearing a fur coat is indefensible.' 'I know. I can't afford one either.'

'Let's try to get a box seat where we might catch a player.'

Good morning, Facebook friends!

"I need to change my life...I'll just change my profile."

"I'd like something that says I'm RICH... really, REALLY rich."

'Hello. I'm looking for G Street.'

"Sorry chief, just updating my status."