Statistician Supreme Gifts

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

Fear/Knowledge

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

The Life of Pi

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'1,2,3 4,5,6 7,8,9...'It's the little things that count.(little figurines counting).

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

GPC needs to make its new formula foolproof.

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

Granny with balanced pie chart

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

John Venn Speaks...' Just don't include me in an of those diagrams, if you don't mind.'

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

Baseball Fantasy League Draft. 27 Trout. Everybody wants that rare player who can do it all on their team. Yeah, a player that hits for average and hits for power! Who is also terrific with a glove and has a strong throwing arm. All along with having great speed! Excuse me, I just don't understand it. Why are you always making such a big deal over a five-tool player?!

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

Dept of Probability: Maybe, Possibly, Perhaps.

Annual Pollsters Convention. Wow, who could've predicted such a low turnout?

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"