Statisticians Gifts

The Stat family

My statistics are not rubbish. Why are you always so mean?

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

'...and as a consequence, you lot all redundant. I'm not making it up.'

'Don't be miserable...according to the statistics he's never been better.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

Fear/Knowledge

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'1,2,3 4,5,6 7,8,9...'It's the little things that count.(little figurines counting).

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

GPC needs to make its new formula foolproof.

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

He then drew a number of smaller pie charts behind the bigger chart. That helped to put it into perspective.

Granny with balanced pie chart

Gloat