Statistician Gifts

Hour of rising vs worm acquisition.

'People who can read Venn diagrams...'

"It doesn't matter what you like - according to the demographics, this is the car for you."

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

People who understand Venn diagrams

Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Mo! Political pollsters.

Information vs. confusion

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

'How close to the truth do you want to come, sir?'

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'How do you want it - the crystal mumbo jumbo or the statistical probability?'

Man confusing man using statistics.

'Now look at this. This is interesting!'

'But then again...we could be wrong.'

Room for Error

Statistics department with 'You are here (sampling error +/- 4%)'.

Sorry the dementia statistics are not ready, they keep losing count.'

We don't want statistics that reflect the actual market situation. We want statistics that reflect what was decided in this boardroom!

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'Does that mean 1 in 5 people actually enjoy it. . .?'

"The danger with studying anything this closely is that you lose sight of the context."

"...and this chart shows people clearly prefer bar graphs to pie charts."

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

'Thank you Fenster. You gave us a real sense of the redundant banality of what we do here.'

'It's your other 0.5.'

Census

When statisticians argue.

'Correlation Street.'

Customer Complaints - "Thank you, Thompson, for collecting the statistics."

"The good news is I used AI to fill in my March tournament bracket and I won the whole thing. The bad news is AI has become self aware and wants the prize money."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'Okay, here's an abandoned storage locker with some random data that may or may not be useful. We'll start the bidding at $50...'

'Mmm...pie chart!'

'Of students surveyed, 64% prefer English and 32% prefer math. The fact that these numbers do no add up to 100 may help explain why.'

'According to the latest poll, 64% of the public don't pay any attention to polls...'