Statistical Thinker Gifts

"Bob said his decisions were only 30% correct...so he's trying to increase his odds."

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'The church says the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round for I have seen the shadow on the Moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the Church.'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'I pledge allegiance to the atom, and to the periodic table on which it stands, many particles indivisible, with orbitals and electrons for all.'

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

'Yeah, I don't have trouble remembering my times tables, but I stink at algebra...'

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

Joe's Bar: Not Responsible For Lost or Stolen Intellectual Property.

'A geneticist laid bare my genetic blueprint, and I feel violated.'

Economist!

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

'Do I believe in evolution? - Well, I suppose we should get it over with.'

"So I bought this doohickey that is very good with chaos."

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

'...working for that Professor Schr?dinger didn't help.'

Dept. of Mathematics and Frustration.

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

Bank Robbery Statistics

'...and as a consequence, you lot all redundant. I'm not making it up.'

"105% of the staff who completed 84% of the process were 95% sure that it was a 100% waste of time."

"Actually, that old axiom was based on faulty mathematics! I discovered that when you correct this ration, two wrongs DO make a right!"

'Our crime figures are down!'

"I think you made your mistake right at the beginning!"

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

"Frankly, Harold, you're beginning to bore everyone with your statistics."

"Dad, this survey says too much study is bad for you..."

'It's terribly frustrating. For 37 years he's been trying to prove that things equal to the same thing are not equal to each other.'

Door labelled: 'False Economy Analysis & Research.'