Statistic Strategist Gifts

'Remember, Fenton, polling results are in the eye of the manipulator.'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

Thin Tank and Emote Tank.

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'86.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

Economist!

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

'They're called 'numbers' -- Now we can have public opinion polls!'

'I spent today with out spindoctor, and boy, am I dizzy.'

The Conservative majority in parliament leaves the Liberal party powerless

"105% of the staff who completed 84% of the process were 95% sure that it was a 100% waste of time."

'...and as a consequence, you lot all redundant. I'm not making it up.'

'Our crime figures are down!'

"Where do you see yourself in five moves?"

"The boss won't be able to make it on time. He asked us to reschedule this meeting to discuss the agenda for our next meeting where we're going to brainstorm strategies to prevent procrastination in the workplace."

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

International Speculators

'17 of the 23 of the 456 people who returned 76 of the 12 questionnaires thought the statistics were meaningless.'

George Smith Patton

"According to this article 98% of the statistics you read in the newspaper are inaccurate."

'According to these statistics you'll probably outlive me...'

"Study after study shows that more and more people are participating in studies."

'The reminds me. Place your orders for the lunchtime pizza.'

'If you look closely at the CAT scan, you can see a tiny area of normal brain activity. Otherwise, he's got nothing but a headful of useless sports statistics.'

"Bob said his decisions were only 30% correct...so he's trying to increase his odds."

"Johnson breaks record so obscure even nerds don't care."

'That's one of my earlier pieces.'

"So far, decliners outnumber advancers nine to seven."