Startup Employee Gifts

"Welcome to the startup. Here's your official beanie."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

Saturday and Sunday are now officially casual days,too.

"This candidate is completely qualified, but I don't think his ping-pong skills are quite what we're hoping for."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

Employee won't think about work outside of box

Working hours.

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'