Tech Startup Employee Gifts

"Let me through, please. I know what the letters C.P.R. stand for."

"My heavens, Bentley ... we've found it. A Silicon Valley headquarters without a slide."

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"Welcome to the future"

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

Outer Space Outsourcing

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'Can our software do that?'

"So, what does everyone think of XX81's suggestion for increased funding into AI research?"

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

US v.s. Tech Giants

'Ideas.com' desk with a 'come' tray and a 'gone' tray.

"I have no toys just yet. I have a concept of a plan for toys...toys like no one has ever seen before."

"When you've been here as long as I have, you'll start to burn out"

"Ambitions... to open an office on Mars. Kennedy Space Center."

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

"Boss... I just read an article about trans-humanism. Apparently, sometime in the next 50 years, it will become possible to live forever."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

From Hunter-Gatherer to Influencer: The Evolution of the Dignity of Labor

"I wrote this one after my third startup failed. It’s called ‘I Got Yer App Right Here.’"

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

'You're hired, but remember, you can be replaced by a machine...believe me.'

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

"Gentlemen, may I present our company's future. A buggy whip... with Bluetooth!"

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

S.S.dot.com

'I begin to question whether this startup ever had venture capital.'