Tech Startup Employees Gifts

"When did Charlie switch to a subscription model?" "Sniff my butt"

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"Welcome to the future"

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

Outer Space Outsourcing

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

'Can our software do that?'

"So, what does everyone think of XX81's suggestion for increased funding into AI research?"

US v.s. Tech Giants

'Ideas.com' desk with a 'come' tray and a 'gone' tray.

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

From Hunter-Gatherer to Influencer: The Evolution of the Dignity of Labor

"Boss... I just read an article about trans-humanism. Apparently, sometime in the next 50 years, it will become possible to live forever."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"I wrote this one after my third startup failed. It’s called ‘I Got Yer App Right Here.’"

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

'You're hired, but remember, you can be replaced by a machine...believe me.'

"Gentlemen, may I present our company's future. A buggy whip... with Bluetooth!"

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

There will be no economics report...our economics reporter got caught in the tech carnage...

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

"I spent hundreds of dollars on a course for entrepreneurs then found out the fire in my belly was acid reflux."

"If you're wondering why you've been chosen 'Employee of the week,' it's because your work load is about to increase, while your pay remains the same."

'No no Mr. Peters, you are not being outsourced. You are being virtualised in 'the cloud'.'