Starting A Ranch Gifts

"First we get a bunch of cows."

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

New Guy.

'Do you think he's ready for the big round-up?'

"They're comfortable."

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"Hello, son. I suppose chicken farming doesn't seem so bad now."

'Awright...Who's the dirty, lowdown varmint who's copyin' my plaid-shirt-and-stone-wash-jeans-with-matching-boots-and-vest ensemble?'

Motorherd

'I had to overcome stereotypical misunderstandings about who makes a good leader.'

"Stick with me baby, and you'll eat slop every day."

"It's my home grown quail call. Quail don't come when I blow it, but cows sure do."

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

Dang! My shorts are riding up on me again!

Milking the Cow.

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

"The new house is almost ready!"

"Yup! Its time to feed the cattle."

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"Waving the hat keeps the cattle moving and lets my hair get some highlights."

'I told him not to wear stretchy pants to dinner.'

Local food for local consumption

"Kid gloves, Hernandez. You gotta use kid gloves!"

"This isn't the big city anymore, Jim. I'm the facilitator now."

"The Taco is good on the trail but where do I put the drink?"

'Superstock'

'Where's my glove?'

'Mama! Aliens.'

'Another nice thing about working here, they tend to promote from within.'

'He's the best bull I've ever had.'

"What the heck? How are we supposed to roam the plains if men put these things everywhere?"

"Old timers are quick to tell me that the drive to Abilene was different in their day."

'Wait, Doc, wait! My cow's still in your chute!'

Sick Rancher Humor