Star Wars Enthusiast Gifts

"What if we stow the 'Star Wars' crap for five seconds, Timmy, and get to the geometry?"

'R2-D2 is not in. Please leave a message after the beep-wheep-zip-booop ...'

"Yoga. I said I like yoga."

Between Sequels: 'May the sauce be with you.'

Lukewarm, lukecool and lukeHOT.

If George Lucas had written the Bible...

"Use the force!"

'Use the force, Peel. Let it flow through you.' - 'Wouldn't it be easier to just pick the banana up?' - 'Uh?' - 'Luke Skywalker never had to suffer these interruptions!'

'OK, one more time. The first 'Star Wars' movie was 'Star Wars: IV'.'Star Wars:V' was the second movie...'

'It happened this morning when I found a light saber pen in a box of cereal.'

"This is a please cease to exist document for copyright infringement. Your appearance closely resembles the star wars empire insignia."

Drumming Darth

C3EO

Obi Wan Kenobi uses the Force at the doctor's office.

"I felt a disturbance in the Force. Were you about to contradict me?"

"Just one last crossing to make..."

Stormtrooper takes off the helmet.

'I joined the Star Wars Church. We get the same results as all the major religions but we get to dress up in cool costumes!'

'Did you want me to wear that tonight or did a Jedi die here?'

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

Dad playing with Star Wars toys.

It's Darth Tater!

Train me in the ways of dating, Jedi master. Stop calling me that. I'm not a romance Yoda, or Obi Wan. I don't have The Force inside me. The true Jedi are humble about their secrets. I'm a man. My secret is Mennen Speed Stick!

I need your help with Laurel. What's up? Train me in the ways of dating. Take me under your wing. Become my Jedi master. Huh? I need you to wear this Bedouin gown. No light sabers.

You asked to see me, boss? Yes, Rudy. We have a serious problem here. I'm going to need you to stop humming the 'Star Wars' theme 24/7. Disney is notoriously litigious. If they catch wind that your publicly performing the theme, they may sue the café for royalties. Daaaa ... daaaa ... duh-duh-duh ... daaaaaaa ... daaaa ... duh-duh-duh ... Wait, what? If you cost me my livelihood, I'll do to you what Han did to that Tauntaun.

I've given up editing your Wikipedia entry. I still neither know nor care what that means. Tap tap tap tap tap. Instead, I've put up a whole new page for you on Wookieepedia. Did you know you were Chewbacca's first love? But he left you after 200 years of castigation and belittling. You hurt me like the bug hurts the windshield, dork-boy. Also, Chewbacca thought you had too much nose hair.

SPOILER ALERT! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about "Star Wars." You don't have to say "spoiler alert," minion. It's been a month. Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive. In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences. Um ... never mind.

I've decided to change the way I Twitter-slam "Star Wars: The Force Awakens." Pointing out plot holes that aren't really plot holes is the latest trend online. I've been tweeting "It's the same story as the original" even though it's not. That was fun. But that critique is so last month. I still don't think "If Rey's the protagonist, why did Monopoly leave her out of the board game" is a "plot hole." And since when has Luke been old?

"But Nonno made them specially for you, princess."

Barack Skywalker

"I feel a great disturbance in The Force."

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

International Women's Day