Stallion Satirist Pillows

'He thinks he's so hot but, personally, I'd rather be artificially inseminated.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

The little engine that delegated

'Secondhand smoke.'

The camouflage in vietnam was more comfortable

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"Due to unforeseen circumstances, there will be no delays on the subway today."

Valuation of Heaven

Stay at home

Sunset Romance

Everyone knew it was a hideous style, but nothing was ever said.

"Who wants to talk to Santa? Anyone? Hello?"

'It was wishful thinking when they called me 'Flash': I've never won a race in my whole life...'

"He needs his five-a-day."

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

Cops on trains: 'Is that a truncheon, or are you just pleased to see me?'

"I promise that this will be the last time that Daddy will ask you to help him post his resume online."

Obscure Constellations

'Just sayin' it was a lot more relaxing around here before they invented ‘the Cloud.''

Slower than a rubber-tipped arrow,as powerful as a wind-up choo-choo, unable to step over his shoelaces, it's Copyright Free Man!

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

Hague Convention Defied! Lachrymosing the British by Onion-whittling under Cover of Night.

"I just don't get these reality shows!"

'The brakes aren't working because of 'mechanical fatigue'...The escalator isn't working because of 'mechanical fatigue'...why don't you walk up?'

"A million prayers a day with not a single self-addressed stamped envelope. And they wonder why there's never an answer."

"Any pre-existing conditions?"

"Pop quiz: On vacation, if Josh and Sophie looked up from their phones four times, how many times did their mom wish they stayed home?"

"Hey! If you're gonna use the ladies tee that skirt goes below the knees. And lose the tank top, mister."