Stage Skeptic Pillows

"Well, the tickets sure as hell weren't minimal."

'They all want to play the star.'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

Woman crying with happiness.

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

'So no animals were harmed in that movie...but how about the audience?!'

Waving from Behind the Curtain

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

'I'm a star!'

Cleaner cleaning under the feet of the dancers as they perform

E=Emcee Squared

"My first love is the theatre, of course, but you're right up there."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

Bravo!

"If all the world's a stage, I'm beginning to wonder about the PLAYWRIGHT!"

'Some of you may have heard that Dr. Weil is giving HIS talk right now in the next auditorium.'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

"They're texting it in."

Weight Gain Denial

"Ambitions. . . To . . . Er. . . Um . . . Become. . . Er. . . Um. . . A. . . Er. . . Um . . . Motivational. . . Er. . . Um. . . Speaker."

"This next song is for all you a cappella lovers. No strings attached."

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

I didn't dress this way to go unnoticed

'Forget equal ops, darling, we're searching for a female Maria.'

"I wouldn't have to go on a diet if we hadn't gone metric."

Please seat to be weighted.

"You don't seem to know your lines." "That's because I'm an understudy."

Woman and scales.

"This is a cover of a song that was perfect in its original form. Apologies in advance."

"This one's for me."