Stage Name Lover Pillows

'We've got 'Jumpin' Jake' Stevens on drums, 'Slick' Chuck on bass and 'Wasted Pete' Walthons on the trumpet.'

Trump! The Musical

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Mikado

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"Does my bum look big in this aria?"

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

Mensa Does Improv

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"Take my advice; speak softly but carry a big shtick."

'We had to donwsize.'

Chekov play and scorecard,

Paris, 1922, George Gershwin and Franz Kafka try to write a musical.

Tonight 'Richard III' a new play by William Shakespeare.

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

"You'll regret saying that, I'll get my own back in tomorrow's performance - you'll never work again!"

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

'I saw an offbeat play the other night. No one took off their clothes.'

TV stage door

Performance In The Bedroom

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

Actor talking to unimpressed child

Wordplay: Pantomime.

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"Is there a rabbit in the house?"

"Oh dear, how embarrassing!"

Magic Accident

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

"All the world's gotta do is look at me once, and I'll tap dance until I die."