Stage Name Lover Pillows

'We've got 'Jumpin' Jake' Stevens on drums, 'Slick' Chuck on bass and 'Wasted Pete' Walthons on the trumpet.'

Trump! The Musical

Applause. Clap clap bravo. Spring musical. Cats. You were terrific! Our little girl!

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Mikado

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"Does my bum look big in this aria?"

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Mensa Does Improv

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

Humanities 101. I hear you're reading Greek plays in there. Yeah, it's a real Medea blitz!

"Take my advice; speak softly but carry a big shtick."

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'We had to donwsize.'

Chekov play and scorecard,

Paris, 1922, George Gershwin and Franz Kafka try to write a musical.

Tonight 'Richard III' a new play by William Shakespeare.

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

Performance In The Bedroom

TV stage door

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

"You'll regret saying that, I'll get my own back in tomorrow's performance - you'll never work again!"

'I saw an offbeat play the other night. No one took off their clothes.'

"Oh dear, how embarrassing!"

Wordplay: Pantomime.

Good Morning Britain

Actor talking to unimpressed child

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"Is there a rabbit in the house?"

Barbara Streisand

Magic Accident

"All the world's gotta do is look at me once, and I'll tap dance until I die."