Stage Master Gifts

'Higher!'

"First, let me begin by admitting that the unexpected and rather brazen theft of our teleprompter has left me somewhat speechless."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

'They all want to play the star.'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

Theatre Masks and Butts

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"Toi Toi Toi!"

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

Jack-a-box in the theatre.

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

"Does my bum look big in this aria?"

Stephen Fry

Woman crying with happiness.

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Knickerless Cage.

Mensa Does Improv

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

"A glimpse into a cartoon character's dressing room..."

Humanities 101. I hear you're reading Greek plays in there. Yeah, it's a real Medea blitz!

Waving from Behind the Curtain

Mr. K's essay is such a drag! Yeah, but I've got to do really well. Twig! You're such a grind! Am not! Life isn't only about grades. I know! But he's directing the spring musical. And my singing won't get me the part all by itself! English: Gateway to the Grammys.

'I'm a star!'

Ice Fly-Fishing with Doug

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

I Pagliacci

"You can't beat the smell of the greasepaint..."