Stage Presence Guru Gifts

'I'm going to begin with a joke so we can get the humor out of the way.'

An opera singer

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Robert Fripp

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

'They all want to play the star.'

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

Pirate

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

Theatre Masks and Butts

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

"Toi Toi Toi!"

Mikado

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

Freddie Mercury

Karataoke

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

Stephen Fry

Woman crying with happiness.

Jack-a-box in the theatre.

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

"He's gonna be in and out for a while, so we should write something funny on his forehead."

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

Tina Turner

Magic Tricks