Stage Savvy Gifts

"Shakespeare wants to kill off the leads and destroy any franchise potential. I tell you these artist types can never see the big picture."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

'They all want to play the star.'

Pirate

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Scarpia from Tosca

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"It's a play on words."

Mikado

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Freddie Mercury

Karataoke

Woman crying with happiness.

"My God!! - Those actors must all be really old by now...!"

Stephen Fry

Come on! They're posting the spring musical. I can't wait! I want a romantic part! With and elegant gown. Good luck with that! We're doing "Cats."

Acme. Breakable prop transporter.

Tina Turner

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

Magic Tricks

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

Jeff Beck.

Midsummer Night's Dream

Waving from Behind the Curtain

Music Hall Dancers

Robbie Williams

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

'I'm sure I could lie on my back waving my feet in the air if I could play the saxophone.'