Stadium Storyteller Gifts

Football

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

Beer Order

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

For the Wilsons, Gold Medalists Los Angeles '84, bathtime was always a ritual.

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

Sailor boy

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

'Okay, who knows how to solve for 'X'?'

"Your Honor, I have a rebuttal witness."

"Dad, if there's a plot to the universe, can you see any spoilers?"

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

'I'd do better if I knew all the words you know!'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: All in a Day's Work

Little Known Historical Fact: After regaining consciousness at the last minute, Davey Crockett's coonskin cap went on to become the Alamo's only survivor.

John James Heidegger, masquerade impresario, and Italian opera singers

"In a minor role, but giving a highly charged performance. . ."

Serenading with a guitar

Soccer Fans.

"I must have hit 20 home runs!"

Jacques Offenbach.

"Congratulations on opening night."

'They say the secret to public speaking is to pick out one person in the audience and talk to him.' 'Well, did you?' 'Yeah. Unfortunately the person I picked out was snickering, pointing and whispering to the guy next to him.'

"The truth is, Kevin, a long time ago your grandfather hit a triple and thats how we got to third base."

Parsifal

'It was wishful thinking when they called me 'Flash': I've never won a race in my whole life...'

The three wise men and their friend Crazy Larry.

'Planning a night to remember? Looks like it's going to go with a bang!'

Marcus Rashford

'I'm sure that last ball was lbw.'

Hi! You must be a basketball player,'cause Mom says she's on the rebound!

Alberich steals the gold and renounces love

'If it makes you feel any better, when I was your age, bullies used to put a 'Kick Me' sign on my back, too.'