Squint Survivor Pillows

Myopic man reading 'Optician' sign.

"Your tires are spinning and you're stuck."

Learn to play the violin in one weekend - 'This isn't working! It's Saturday evening already and I've only got as far as holding it properly...'

"Can i get a transfer from the porcupine enclosure..?

"Thanks for the offer... but I'd rather see if tech support can get my computer running."

"Recalculating... Recalculating... Recalculating... Recalculating..."

"Whatever the politicians might decide, I'm well prepared because I've got enough hate comments for the next five years!"

'Remember, I deduct one grade point for every splinter.'

"It just doesn't seem right. Ever since the new system upgrade nothing is where it used to be!"

The Inverted Nose: Genetic engineering's answer to the sniffles.

The corner that Spring's around

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

"Remote teaching isn't good for torturing a substitute. For that you need a live audience."

'He's a survivor.'

A marooned man builds a swing set from his lone palm tree.

'Don't use that arm... for a day or two!'

"I've lost my keys, my wallet and my iPhone! Frankly, I think MINE is the lost generation!"

"I'll be a little late. I'm on a Citi Plow."

"Ok, spring...we're REALLY ready for you..."

The sound of mucus.

'Don't be mad, I'm just following your instructions.'

'$1500,00 for two weeks in Florida, and nobody's even noticed my tan!'

Man digging a path to his dog's kennel through the snow.

"For god's sake, man! Quick! Blow out the candles!"

'BRRRR. Why is it taking so long to get warm?'

"I'm raising four kids, a husband, three pets and I work. This is nothing."

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of bee keeping are the hardest.'

'Gesundheit.'

"That's typical of you, Howard - you know I don't like semi-skimmed milk...!"

Laundromat has a bin for trash & one for unmatched socks

'What did I tell you about keeping bees?'

'Yes Ma'am, I do pick up unwanted hives.'

'I know... crazy right? What are the odds of getting stung in both hands. . .'

'All they took was my snowblower.'

Human Error, Stupid (computers)