Squint Survivor Gifts

Myopic man reading 'Optician' sign.

"Your tires are spinning and you're stuck."

Learn to play the violin in one weekend - 'This isn't working! It's Saturday evening already and I've only got as far as holding it properly...'

"Daddy's taking him to the woodshed, again!"

"Can i get a transfer from the porcupine enclosure..?

"Recalculating... Recalculating... Recalculating... Recalculating..."

"Thanks for the offer... but I'd rather see if tech support can get my computer running."

'Remember, I deduct one grade point for every splinter.'

"Whatever the politicians might decide, I'm well prepared because I've got enough hate comments for the next five years!"

"It just doesn't seem right. Ever since the new system upgrade nothing is where it used to be!"

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

"Remote teaching isn't good for torturing a substitute. For that you need a live audience."

The Inverted Nose: Genetic engineering's answer to the sniffles.

The corner that Spring's around

'He's a survivor.'

'Don't use that arm... for a day or two!'

A marooned man builds a swing set from his lone palm tree.

"I'll be a little late. I'm on a Citi Plow."

"Ok, spring...we're REALLY ready for you..."

"I've lost my keys, my wallet and my iPhone! Frankly, I think MINE is the lost generation!"

The sound of mucus.

'Don't be mad, I'm just following your instructions.'

"For god's sake, man! Quick! Blow out the candles!"

'$1500,00 for two weeks in Florida, and nobody's even noticed my tan!'

Man digging a path to his dog's kennel through the snow.

'BRRRR. Why is it taking so long to get warm?'

"I'm raising four kids, a husband, three pets and I work. This is nothing."

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of bee keeping are the hardest.'

"That's typical of you, Howard - you know I don't like semi-skimmed milk...!"

'Yes Ma'am, I do pick up unwanted hives.'

'What did I tell you about keeping bees?'

Laundromat has a bin for trash & one for unmatched socks

'Gesundheit.'

'I know... crazy right? What are the odds of getting stung in both hands. . .'

'All they took was my snowblower.'