Squeamish Foodie T-Shirts

Cafe Menu: Freshly Strangled Chickens

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

Party time.

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"We've misjudged the tapas again."

Back in 5 minutes!

"Your meal sounded nice."

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

You're the sizzle in my roast!

Kentucky Fried Horse

"Geoffrey's seasonal. I'm regional."

Dad's old fashioned barbeque

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

Thermidor Dali

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

'Can I have a Banana-Split' without the ice-cream?'

Tzatzikicicle

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

Avocado Timeline

'Are you sure these sprouts aren't GM?.'

"So, I went into this fancy new butcher shop and they were selling ostrich of all things!"

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

Snacks for Learners

"He'd like the broiled monkfish, too, but first he's having a quick taste of the gutter."

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'