Squash Lover Gifts

"All I could find was this butternut squash."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

'This cave is really damp... and squidgy underfoot'

The solar system is replaced by sports balls.

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

Woman disposes of partner's squash kit in hazardous waste container.

"You're overprotective. Stop telling her not to go out on a limb."

'If it wasn't for you darling - I think I would go crazy!'

'He runs a very successful hedge fund.'

"Do you have anything that removes ink stains?"

Squirrels eating different types of nuts.

'Too much hazel, not enough nut.'

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

'Since Darwin said it's survival of the fittest, I thought I'd better take up an aerobic sport.'

'Acorns or chocolate cake?'

'for what we are about to receive...'

Squash Partners.

'No whey, Jose!'

Pygmy giant squid

'Oh my God! It's Billy the Squid...!'

At home with the Tangleheads

'Let's get nuts.'

'No mate, I've no idea where you buried your mother.'

'Why, yes, a banner season for squash! What makes you ask?'

"I thought it came with an acorn."

'Don't be mad, I'm just following your instructions.'

'Wow, you must be good. I never met another impersonator with a fifth-degree sequin belt.'

"Squid's off..."

"Please help me get these squirrels out of my pants. This isn't a pickup line. I really need assistance."

"Your late uncle's will is clear: his favourite nephew Bill gets the map of his secret food stashes..."

Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head? I'm glad you (huff) asked. Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death. So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills. Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill? They walk. ... Walk.

Oh, well, I'm sure it would be very funny if I had any idea who this "Elvis" person was.

Ask Me About My Big Feet