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'He's practicing for his appearance before the congressional committee on torture.'

The Anti-Agent

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

"This is Blackjack, come in Yahtzee."

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

'I can't read their smoke signal. It's encrypted.'

"I want to spill the beans, but I'm waiting till I have access to classified or sensitive beans."

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

"Why don't we call you 'Deeper Throat'?"

J. Edgar - F.B.Eye Lives On.

50 Year Celebrations.

Incognito Bonito - 'I don't know me, but I do know you!'

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

007's Dating Mishaps

'Trying to steal secrets again, Dr. Figowitz?'

Note to self: Call lawyer, ask if he has any experience with charges of treason. What's lawyer got to do … got to do with it … What? What are you doing? Tina Turner. My second favorite singer, after Clay Aiken. She's amazing. I investigated every single one of her concerts. Good times. Wanna see my Tina Turner tattoo? I'm not a Russian spy!! What is this, 1985?! Good year. Tina was in "Mad Max" that year.

A spy peering round the corner.

'The close Ops surveillance people have just sent these photo's over and we now strongly suspect that Jimmy the Greek is onto us...'

"You never call, and the federal government will back me up on that."

'Oh, sure, the boss has a menacing evil laugh, but it's his evil sob that I find most arresting.'

"China Ministry of State Security Royal Infiltration Training Unit"

'How's the meeting going, Ed?'

"Sales rep from Milton Keynes? You prove he no British spymaster who sent you on secret mission to Bananastan?"

'This assignment calls for a chicken.'

Press spy infiltrates Buckingham palace dressed as a guard.

Why clown agents shoul never hide in the WC

We had a power surge, and the milker seems to have tapped into the CIA's computer.'

Secret agent 36-24-36 was lucky she was wearing her new bullet-proof swimsuit when she confronted the intruder.

Two men converse secretively

Daniel Craig.

'Hey, come back with my laptop!' 'Ha, some spy he is!'

'What makes you think our office is bugged?'

The Sting Operation