Spreadsheet Master Gifts

Accounting: Desk trays - 'Accounts receivable' and 'Accounts deceivable'.

Out and In.

"Inland Revenue office. 'Excuse my maths won't you?'"

'That's Gregor. He's a legend among accountants.'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

"I hate performance review season."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

"I can always tell when Philip is working on family finances. A 'cursor' appears on both sides of the computer screen."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

"I love your optimism."

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

"What comes after zillion?"

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

End of Year Figs.

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

Macho talk from down in accounting.

'And that's with massaging the numbers!'