Spouse With A Mischievous Dog Pillows

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

"No I said fetch , not wretch.."

'This chair ain't big enough for the both of us.'

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'It says here: while most dogs are family dogs, some dogs like one family member more. Do you think Fritzi is like that?'

"He ran out of pee."

'He took a fetching class.'

"Well, if I didn't send away for an entry application to the cat show, and you didn't send away for an entry application, who did?"

Zack Brillard and Live-In Companion

"What have you done?"

"That's impressive, but I asked you to roll over."

"Very Funny."

Distracted dog walker.

'I love this web TV, and so user friendly.'

'You realize you're spoiling Bilbo.'

'...I'd prefer it if you didn't fetch my iPad.'

"I've trained him to hunt down the remote."

Fetching the Ball

"You know what I love? Rolling in dead squirrel." "Oh, my God, yes! How about peeing on the floor at Petco?!" "Wait, wait–what's the farthest distance either of you have rubbed your butt across a carpet?!"

"You're obviously under consideration for something."

"If it pleases the court, the prosecution would like to pet the defendant, too."

He takes being a guard dog very seriously.

"I miss you too, now stop licking the screen."

'Normally, he's an indoor dog, but he got into the bean dip.'

Eventually, many dogs and dog owners begin to look alike

"Today's lecture is on loyalty."

"Tree's up!"

Moulting Dog

"Let's see now... ummm... one whack on the snout with a rolled up newspaper, and I can let you in."

'First you fetch their slippers and then you chew them up -- it's called the 'good dog-bad dog' system.'