Sporty Solicitor Gifts

Ex-cricketing lawyer

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

"Hey, I just figured out how to sue the school for loss of my prime childbearing years."

Barristers

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'You should have taken up the game earlier.'

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'

New York Corruption - Auditor Watson's Death, and Suspicions on Broadway Works Project

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

Jester Surgeon

Fifty shades of Leveson.

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

Yawning barristers in court

'According to your pre-nuptial agreement. If you divorce her, you'll turn back into a frog.'