Sporty Aficionado Gifts

'How did the first game go?' - 'I hit a ball in one.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Portrait of a Lady"

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

Football Chameleon

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

If nobody had invented graphics

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Monica Seles

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

A day at the transgenic races

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Ratminton

Gary turns 40.

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

A married couple share the same pole vault.

"How should we divide the teams?"

Saving a Heart