Sports Team Owner Gifts

"We won again, and guess what? A Russian oligarch wants to buy us!"

'We're in a fantasy team owners' league, we locked out our players and came here to yuck it up.'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

Fast food. Even faster food

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Try to guess the continent dining...

Today's special... donuts.

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

Man at computer at sports company wears sweat band on head.

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

Kitchen Kapers

"This is our soft opening."

Bar snacks served in bird-feeders.

Hashimoto's Restaurant - Sushi Like Mother Used to Make!

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

"The food isn't bad, but I don't care much for the floor show!"