Club Owner Gifts

"We'd like to do a song that will barely penetrate your consciousness as you continue to enjoy those faddish cigars and single-malt scotches."

Well, we do offer lap dances, but our dancers tend to curl up and fall asleep right away.

Paris in Summer - View of a Boulevard

Trilby - 'Bonjour, Suzon!'

'I work in a strip club for £20 a week. It's not much but it's all I can afford to pay them!'

Dragon and no smoking sign.

Will Sir be going on to his usual club ?

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

"This feels like an accomplishment."

Cut Price

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"It's a new countertop draft system for craft beer!"

"A pint! I'll need proof, and that's human years, not dog years!"

Shaken not stirred

Beer Stall

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

"Have you seen my dad?"

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

The Reaper's Arms

"Our business is based on breakthroughs."

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

It's our new twin-handle beer mug. It's for manly, two-fisted drinkers, as well as weaklings like you who can't lift it with one hand.

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

'Looks like a good day fah haulin' lobstah, eh, Pauley?...Let's just say it became a good day fah drinkin'...'

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

Buy one beer, get one free. If I may paraphrase a famous quote, "Beer is proof that God has mixed feelings about us and wants us to be hungover."

Infinity Tavern

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

'Don't worry. I'm not charging you for the extra lettering.'