Sports Program Aficionado Gifts

'Because it's a wedding program. It's not supposed to list everyone's height and weight.'

"Portrait of a Lady"

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

Pole Vault Rules

Joey Barton's red card wins Premiership League for Manchester City.

First Prize!

The Harper Plays Cricket.

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'

Cristiano Ronaldo

"Lord Stanley's Cup...and Bailey"

I see he's still "working" from home.

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

"Depressed, anxious, worried about the future we've had a great deal of this recently...I'd suggest you avoid watching England for a while."

Thibaut Nicolas Marc Courtois

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

Fox hunting.

Multitasking executive dog

Football.

'It took some doing, but we got your name on!'

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

101 uses of a dead cat: spring board.

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

Classic Halftime Shows (Super Bowl III)

"Yin and Yankee fan"

Soccer player being showered with toilet roles and a toilet.

'I'm dreading the World Cup . . .'

World Cup Fan.