Sports Outlaw Gifts

'...You've got no game.'

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

"It's nice to feel wanted though, isn't it?"

Motorcycles tied to hitching post outside a western saloon

Rugby Mad.

Sports Lawyers

"I'm thinking of changing my name."

'Yeah, I'm a trife scorpio - what of it?'

'After we showed him the partial print we got at the crime scene he decided to lawyer up.'

"No, no, I think it's 'two-gun' Pete you're after!"

"Nope, Jeb's my pardner. My partner is Zeke."

Silent music

Running With Scissors Marathon

'So you've decided to drop the whole 'man with no name' image, have you?' 'Tarquin Chadwick, Gunslinger'

"His number is the amount of payola he received to play basketball for his college."

"This chat room ain't big enough fer th' two of us."

"Better watch it, Sheriff. It's said this guy's dang near impossible to shoot and no jail can hold 'im."

The unorganised organiser.

"This will maintain your rebellious image in states with helmet laws."

Chess bowling.

Joe's Weight Gain: '...none of my good pants fit right now...but since we'll be sitting the whole time, I figures it wouldn't really matter...'

'Man, that new guy is nothing but a thug!'

When stupid prisoners play Baseball

Unusual Sports: Shooting Skiers

'What the hell d'ya mean 'shoot straight'?! Whaddya think I'm doing?!!'

'Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, now he's watching coverage of other people watching gold.'

"What's the point of being your sidekick if the courts won't recognize it?"

'Tennis can be addictive...I wouldn't recommend going 'gold turkey'...let her watch an hour or two of repeats...'

"It will be dangerous to go 'cold turkey'. We need to wean her off with replays..."

"Dang it, Seth! Are you still feeding those birds?"