Sports Officiando Gifts

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

Egyptian Football

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

The Unsportables: Javelin Throw

Pole Vault Rules

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

'I finished last, but I was the only one who passed the drug test.'

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

'Now what?!'

"Baseball is way too boring - so, we're doing one inning, winner takes all, everybody go home early and live their lives."

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

'He's definitely heading for a red card.'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'

'Are you blind ref?'

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'No wonder it was so hard to assemble. I thought it was supposed to be a basketball hoop, not a weapon of mass destruction.'

'I should never have married a bloody referee.'

'Out. How come?' - 'Off side.'

'That was a peach of a right hander the referee gave you!'

Footballer playing for time

'...60, 80 - whoa! - a hundred bucks! Okaaaay, you've got 20 minutes.'

'He lost his whistle,'

Referees at the Original Olympics.

Footballer changes shirt with the ref.

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

Tennis corruption