Sports Marketing Satirist Gifts

The Hemorrhoid Cream Arena

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

The Golfing Accident

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

The Hockey World

Beijing Olympics - Treadmill.

The Leafs win the Cup!

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

Major Bunker (who has been persuaded to join in a game of hockey for the first time, absent-mindedly preparing to drive). 'Force.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"

Goodbye Opiate of the Masses

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

Various men worshipping a statue of a football

Runner 007 is given a martini for refreshment.

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

The solitude of bean farming appealed to the ex-ballplayer after his fall from grace.

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

Racketeer

Cold caller.

"I think Simon’s been hit on the head one too many times."

Glenn Hoddle

'Yes, it's a foul. But is it a flagrant foul?'