Sports Integrity Enthusiast Gifts

Hall of Fame

'We've closed this section down. In all the time no-one has ever tested positive.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

If nobody had invented graphics

Football Chameleon

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

A day at the transgenic races

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

A married couple share the same pole vault.

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

"How should we divide the teams?"

Ratminton

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

Saving a Heart

Gary turns 40.

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

The best PE teacher in the World.