Sports Integrity Enthusiast Gifts

Hall of Fame

'We've closed this section down. In all the time no-one has ever tested positive.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

If nobody had invented graphics

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

Football Chameleon

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Monica Seles

Ratminton

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

A day at the transgenic races

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

Raheem Sterling

"How should we divide the teams?"

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

A married couple share the same pole vault.

Gary turns 40.

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Saving a Heart

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."