Sports Enthusiast (from The Couch) Gifts

Olympics Couch.

I like the Jets...I guess

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Portrait of a Lady"

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

If nobody had invented graphics

Football Chameleon

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

Monica Seles

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

A day at the transgenic races

"How should we divide the teams?"

A married couple share the same pole vault.

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

Gary turns 40.

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

Ratminton

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'