Sports Bar Aficionado T-Shirts

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

"Banning A-Rod for the entire season is tragic. However, banning him for the postseason might be a good omen."

"Greg of Rockland County. Patron saint of inebriated bowlers."

"So, what team do you support?"

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"Portrait of a Lady"

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

Check your universal remote control at the door.

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

The Harper Plays Cricket.

"Anybody who doesn't like our one-party system can go to Russia!"

"Hey, you gotta put that away- this is a laptopless bar."

'They've made this 3D football really realistic, it even chucks coins at you.'

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'

Cristiano Ronaldo

Last Chance For Reality

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

"On second thoughts, I'll have it stirred, not shaken."

"Blowing the whistle is perfect for a sports bar to let its patrons know that Happy Hour is over."

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

'It took some doing, but we got your name on!'

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

The Rind of the Ancient Mariner.

Fox hunting.

"Depressed, anxious, worried about the future we've had a great deal of this recently...I'd suggest you avoid watching England for a while."

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

'How about a nice saloon?'

"Look! I can almost spot the bar I should be in right now!"