Sports Advisor Gifts

'Right, now this is what we call a 'football' and the 'players' will be kicking it!'

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

The MBA Draft

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Cricket Accidents.

Perils of the double play.

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

The Other Cooperstown

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

Centaur Forward

"I love fast break business success."

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

'Fergie quits - chewing gum sales hit all time low!'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'...I don't like your chances!'

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

Baseball Fantasy League Draft. 27 Trout. Everybody wants that rare player who can do it all on their team. Yeah, a player that hits for average and hits for power! Who is also terrific with a glove and has a strong throwing arm. All along with having great speed! Excuse me, I just don't understand it. Why are you always making such a big deal over a five-tool player?!

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

Bessy had won the 100m sprint... but many suspected Steeroid abuse!

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

'You are dreaming the impossible team.'

Jose Mourinho & Roman Abramovich Caricature.

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

"When you put on the uniform, you surrender a part of yourself."

Basketball.

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."